Day 2: Behavior Points & Chores

Today was a bit more rough than yesterday, though it was still fairly tame all things considered. Overall, though, I do like the point system.

Some quick background- I have insomnia. My particular type means that I can't fall asleep easily. Once I'm asleep, I'll remain asleep until my body is ready to wake up, but it usually means catching up on sleep during the day. It usually works out that once or twice a week, I'm napping when the kids get home- they're used to this, and old enough not to need direct supervision.

Today was just such a day. I was woken up by Chris fighting with Gillian. I asked them to stop as I tried waking up, but Chris was having a stubborn moment, and as such, was not really ready to listen to me.

After hearing him nag at Gillian for another few minutes more (due to whether or not she was actively doing her chores- this is something on our list of things we want to correct, as he spends a LOT of time, energy, and our patience in worrying about what the girls are doing), I finally told him he lost a point. He settled down shortly after that as I got out of bed.

I was surprised to see all 3 kids working at their chores, though, when I woke up. Chris was done, though to be honest, not really done. I've got him finishing up right now, as he had to do a load of laundry (all 3 kids know how to do laundry now, and it is on their chores, twice a week they each are responsible for doing their own laundry).

Raegan did her dishes fairly fast, and she also had to dry & put them away (every other day of the week, it falls so that 1 kid does the washing, and 1 kid does the drying and putting away, but there are only 2 kids doing dishes, and 3 doing the putting away, so it landed with Rae doing both today). On top of that, it was also her chore to clean off the counters- throw stuff away, put stuff away, and wash them off.

It's become habit in our house to ignore one entire corner of the kitchen counter. We have an L shaped counter, and the corner area is home to the coffee pot, can opener, coffee cans, container of utensils (spatulas, slotted spoons, etc), and the dish strainer. Unfortunatly, stuff gets shoved back there, and left. Every time.

It irks me, because it makes the entire kitchen look horrible, and yet, no one ever just picks stuff up. Even my husband ALWAYS leaves the griddle sitting there (we use it maybe once every 2 weeks). So while we were making dinner, I had Raegan come back out, and start that area.

It upset her, but it IS a chore that needs to be done, and if it's done several times a week, the "stuff" won't build up back there.

So, neither Chris nor Rae finished on time tonight, and with both of them, it was because they "forgot" to do part of their chores. Both "forgotten" parts are things they always "forget" so they don't have to do them. But, I am trying to get them all to be more responsible in their jobs around the house, including doing their chores completely.

Here's hoping!

So far, Chris is at 4 points, Gillian is at 6, and Rae is at 5, though she may lose one if she doesn't finish her chore tonight. I had told her when I first noticed it that I wouldn't hold it against her if she got it done. That was an hour ago- since then, she has taken over 45 minutes to eat a bowl of spaghetti, so she can avoid doing it. It's her evasive maneuver. Avoid notice by being out of site, or claim she is still eating so she can't be asked to do it. I told her at the start of this post that she had 5 minutes, which by now, were up 3 minutes ago.

Day 1: Behavior Points & Chores

Well, yesterday was Day 1 on the new Behavior Point Chart. To coincide with it, we also modified the chore chart to add in things that don't get done, and take off things that didn't need to be done as often as they were. Last summer, Chris went to Florida with my FIL for most of the summer, and that was the last time I re-did the chart. Chris didn't have assigned chores, we just found things for him to do. Now, they are all on the chart.

Overall, it went good. Raegan did try to sneak off and hide in her room, under the guise of changing out of jeans into sweats. After calling her down 2 separate times over a 25 minute period, she finally came back down.

Gillian did her chores, though she wound up doing some wrong ones, and having to do extra to do her assigned ones.

Chris did all of his without dragging his feet, or getting upset.

I did not have to take any points away at all yesterday- the kids did not fight even once, which is a miracle in and of itself.

In the end, Gillian earned 3 points, and Chris & Rae each earned 2, so they are at 8 & 7 for the day. Not bad for day 1!

Here's hoping the following days go as smoothly.

Behavior, Rewards, and Life with 3 Kids

As many of you know, I have 3 kids. Two of them are... trying, to say the least. Very least. Gillian is the baby at 9, and was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome this past fall. Stubborn, argumentative, and easily frustrated. Chris is 12, and while undiagnosed, has the exact same 'symptoms' as Gillian, only far more... pronounced. Highly argumentative, hyper, stubborn, and... well... he could try the patience of a saint. Raegan is our 'normal' kid, but normal only goes as far as normal is for an almost 15-year-old freshman.

Mix all 3 together, and Nick and I spend the better part of the evening asking why chores are not done, asking/yelling at kids to stop running/screaming/fighting/threatening/being rude/etc to one another. Seriously- we could probably set a clock to how often we are up and after the kids.

Last week, I was talking with a friend about their behavior. We've tried allowances, punishments, rewards, etc. Nothing works. Then it dawned on me that when Gilly was diagnosed, her school approached her behavior differently.  IE: Her class as a whole each have sticks. The sticks start off in the GREEN slot. If the student does something wrong, or bad (usually it's more than once), they are asked to move their sticks to YELLOW. If the behavior continues, it moves to RED. There is no redeeming once it's been moved- you are on yellow or red for the rest of the day.

In Aspie's, they've found that the system used is more of a melt down trigger, than a tool to aid in correcting the behavior.  As soon as Gilly was diagnosed, they moved her to a sliding scale point system.

Each day, she starts off with 10 points on a slide ruler. Through out the day, her actions can earn or take points away. For instance, if she's not paying attention, and is fiddling in her desk instead of working on math homework, she may be asked to take a point away. But, 10 minutes later, if she's helping her neighbor do the work, because she's already done, she might be told to add 1 or even 2 points. Her point scale is 0-25, meaning she can earn up to 25, or as few as 0 in a single day. Points earned for the day are her points to keep- they won't take today's points away tomorrow.

At the end of the day, she writes down her point total. Then, at the end of the week on Friday, she can go to the break room (which is a sensory room for kids who need sensory help- aspergers, autistic, etc), and can spend her points in a shop there. One time, she saved up her points for several weeks, until she had enough to purchase a private pizza party. For that, she spent "$20" in points, and got to invite a friend to eat lunch with her, where a pizza was brought in for her, soda.

When I realized how well that system has worked for her in school, I started considering how it might work here in the house. The point of the system is to not just point out the problem areas, but to reward the children in the areas they do well at. It helps them learn to correct the more impulsive behavior that leads to the most outbursts.

After talking with Nick, and drawing up a few 'plans', I finally settled on one that I hope will work here in the house.

The long and short of it, is that the kids start the day with 5 points, and can earn up to a total of 10 at the end of the day. They can't go into negative numbers, and once their numbers are banked at the end of the day, they can't lose their banked points.

I also came up with a rewards sheet that I think worked well with things the kids ask for the most often, with some small rewards that are easily obtainable in a single week, and some larger ones that will take longer than a week to save for.

Here's the rewards list:

25 Points- A small shake
40 Points- $5.00
75 Points- A movie ticket OR $10.00
100 Points- Dinner out with a parent of your choice, at the restaurant of your choice

I considered adding other small things in, but I felt that the dollar values will cover anything not listed. But the items listed- a shake, movie, or dinner out are things that the kids look at as treats that we rarely do. The shake is a small amount, and even if the week isn't a smooth one, it's something that they can earn in a single week.

If they have a perfect week, which I don't think will happen any time soon, they come out at 70 points, so just shy of $10 or a movie ticket.

I hope that in adding in things that take longer, the kids will start to 'bank' their points for bigger rewards, which helps teach them about saving instead of spending.

I also outlined samples of behavior that will either earn them points, or have points taken away.

For instance, doing their chores will not earn them points, because it's part of their job. However, I did add in a time frame in which to complete their chores after school. Currently, I have to remind the kids, call after them, and get right on them to get them even started, and for the most part, they don't finish them before 7pm, and only then because Nick is home and gets on their cases.

I also added in things like being respectful to one another, not bossing each other around, going to bed on time on school nights, helping out without being asked, picking up after your own messes, etc.

I did stress that if someone has to ask them to do something, then it isn't the same as just doing it. I also stressed that points are awarded or removed based on behavior noticed- ie: if Gilly says Chris did this, but we can't prove it happened, we likely won't be taking points away. Exaggerating is something both Chris and Gilly do a LOT of.

Over-reacting is another. Aspie kids tend to work on perception.  Chris might brush against her as he walks past, but in her mind, he pushed her, and did it on purpose. This is something that we can't stop from happening- we can't tell her how to perceive things. But, we can help her adjust how she reacts to those perceptions.

I really hope this works. We sat the kids down and explained the entire system to the kids, answered all their questions, and explained that we hope that by giving them reminders about bad behavior, and point rewards for good behavior, that it will help shape the way they act & react in the long run, making it a much smoother household, with less fighting, and out of control behavior.

Fingers crossed, hope it works!

I did also point out that while they are free to spend their points however they wish, we would be going on vacation in June, and it might be in their best interests to save some points up towards money for souviener shopping.

I can already tell, though, that Chris will cash out for cash, Gilly will cash out for a shake as soon as possible, and Rae will -try- to save up for dinner out, but will likely break down and want the cash.

Saving at CVS

Oh, how I wish I had coupons with me today! I had to stop at CVS this morning to grab bottle cap images (I use these for bows and flower clips, and have them printed up there), and decided to bypass the Valentine's Day clearance, and see what they had in their small end cap clearance section.

I am SO glad I did. They've been doing inventory in makeup over the past week, and clearing out a lot of fun stuff. Raegan's birthday is in April, and so is Easter, so I decided to stock up, as most of the make up marked down was 75% off.

I wound up getting:

4 Chrome Nail Pens- these are the Sally Hansen nail polish "Paint & Go" type pens, in a metallic chrome finish. $9.99 each, marked down to $2.49 each

1 Gold Metallic Nail Art Pen- these go hand in hand with the paint & go pens, but are skinnier so you can draw designs on your fingers. $8.99, marked down to $2.25.

Rimmel Sapphire Blue Eyeshadow- $4.39, marked down to $1.07

Sally Hanson Hard As Nails Pink Nail Polish- $2.99, marked down to $.75

Sally Hanson Quick Clear Coat Nail Polish- $10.49, marked down to $2.62

2 Sally Hanson Eyeshadow Trios- $8.79 each, marked down to $2.12 each

Sally Hanson Quik-Dry Red Nail Polish- $5.49, marked down to $1.37

Wet & Wild Black H2O Mascara- $2.99, marked down to $.74

Wet & Wild Purple Metallic Eyeshadow Pen- $1.99, marked down to $.49

Pedicure Brush (pumice stone on one side, bristles on the other)- $6.99, marked down to $1.74

3 Magic Reveal motion photo frames (think that plastic ridged stuff that makes stickers look like they're in motion)- $3.99 each, marked down to $.25 each

King Size Reeses Mini's (have you tried these? OMG SO GOOD!)- $1.69 minus a $2.00 coupon, -$.31

27 digital prints (bottle cap images) $5.13 (no discount sadly)

Total Spent:

$32.67 ($1.87 was tax)
Total on the discount items:
$25.36

Amount saved in-store today:

$95.85

WOOT!

Now, had I used coupons, that would have been better, but for spur-of-the-moment makeup shopping, I think I did pretty good.

Little Maddie

Last week, 4 month old Maddie passed away unexpectedly, and her mother and father are laying her to rest this morning.

Her mother has asked that people all over wear big bows today in honor of her little darling.

To read more about her story, check out her blog- but just be prepared to cry for this family!

http://kandjstaats.blogspot.com/?spref=fb